What am I doing?
Posted on | November 23, 2011 | 14 Comments
Last Thursday night, after work, I wandered across town to The Pot, on Crwys Road, to do some stand-up at a small fundraising gig for Journeys – a very committed and worthwhile depression charity based in Wales. It’s the small gigs that I don’t like, if I’m honest. When I can’t see the audience I’m fine – several hundred people in the darkness of St. David’s Hall or the Swansea Grand is no problem. Twenty people in a small, brightly-lit coffee shop is another matter entirely.
An audience member walked out of the show after taking exception to some (most) of my material and especially to a line I have about the National Health Service that mentions abortion. I’ve been doing that line for years. No-one has ever walked out before and, if I’m honest, it wasn’t pleasant. I played up to the image of the rock-n-roll comedian with that couldn’t-give-a-fuck swagger and bill-hicks-wannabee confidence but you know what? I’m not in this to offend people. I DO give a fuck. If I hurt someone’s feelings or bring back painful memories in people who have paid their hard-earned money to have a laugh after work or to support a local charity, what does that make me? Exploitative? Dishonest?
I won’t apologise, obviously. I’ll front it out with that I-have-the-right-to-talk-about-whatever-I-want bullshit that a lot of us use to justify what we do. It won’t feel right and even as I trot out the well-worn “artistic freedom” speech it will feel as though I’m reading someone else’s lines, like cowardice. I don’t want to hurt anyone, I never have, so why do I do what I do? Why do I say the things I say? I’d like to say that I’m challenging the audiences assumptions about what is “offensive”, what’s acceptable. I’d like to claim that I’m pushing the boundaries of taste, pushing the comedic envelope, but that’s bullshit. I’m neither intelligent nor funny enough for that.
Right now, all I’m pushing is my luck.
So I can split a room – I can say things that make some people laugh and other people cry. Big fucking deal. Anyone can upset someone with a wank joke. I wish I could say that there is some underlying point that I’m making that justifies everything I say but I can’t. They’re just wank jokes. That’s all.
I’ve only been back since January and, as much as it pains me to admit it, I’m already thinking of jacking it in again. I don’t know where I’m going, what I’m doing, or what I’m trying to say and I’m exhausted.
I used to think that writing and performing comedy would help: getting up on stage in front of a room full of strangers and venting my spleen, I thought, would be cathartic. It’s not. If anything, it’s mildly embarrassing if I can see the audience clearly enough. The constant repetition of the same material merely serves to reinforce the emotions and thought patterns that I’m trying to be rid of. My act is earning me a reputation as Angry Wes but I don’t want to be Angry Wes anymore. At the same time, though, I don’t want what I do on stage to be an act either. Doug Stanhope once said: “it’s only funny if it’s true” and I agree. I don’t want to pretend to be anything other than who I am but right now I’m not sure who that is.
I need to do some thinking. I need to work out what I’m doing and, more importantly, why. There’s enough pain in the world without me causing more just to stroke my fucking ego.
And I need a fucking break.
The question I’m asking myself, over and over, is: how many other people have felt the same way that audience member did but said nothing? How many others have sat and squirmed, uncomfortable, offended, hating every minute, every word, hating me but for some reason feeling unable to speak up or get up and leave? I don’t want to do that to people. I’m not here to hurt people or to make them uncomfortable or to spoil their evening and the thought that I’m upsetting someone or wasting their time and money is abhorrent.
The trouble is, as I’ve had to explain to a number of people recently, I’ve only got one gear. I do what I do because that’s all I have at the moment. The target of my comedy is supposed to be me but obviously I’m not getting that across.
So what do I do? Do I re-write everything, write a whole new set? What about the hour I want to do at Edinburgh in August? Now that I’ve fallen completely out of love with what I’m doing and who I’ve become, where do I go from here?
Better to walk away than to ruin my life?
This is all becoming sickeningly self-indulgent now so I’ll fuck off. You don’t need this and neither do I.
Wx
No More “Social”…
Posted on | November 11, 2011 | No Comments
I’ve removed the Facebook “Like” button, the Google+ “+1″ button, the “Tweet This” button and the sneaky, behind-the-scenes, Google Analytics code.
Two reasons:
- I don’t want to track you and I don’t want to help anyone else track you.
- I’m pretty much writing this blog for me and people like me. Encouraging you to “share” this shit with people who probably don’t want to read it just feels egotistical and wrong.
If you really need to share something I write here then kick it old-school and copy the URL.
Wx
Cancellation: Portland Arms, Cambridge, tonight.
Posted on | September 30, 2011 | No Comments
I’ve had to pull out of tonight’s gig at The Portland Arms, Cambridge. Sincere apologies. I’ll be back in Cambridge at Jesterlarf Comedy Club on October 7th if you fancy coming along to that one.
W x
Weekend Plans…
Posted on | September 22, 2011 | No Comments
Three gigs in four days coming up…
Tonight I’m closing the show at the Welsh College of Music and Drama.
Tomorrow night I’ll be hosting the show at Below The Deck, Cardiff Bay.
On Sunday night I’ll be opening the show at the Lyric, Hammersmith.
Take your pick,
Wes x
Gig news, Sunday 25th September, 2011
Posted on | September 19, 2011 | No Comments
I just found out that Jeremy Hardy will also be appearing at the Lyric, Hammersmith gig this coming Sunday, 25th September 2011.
Yeah, that’s right. You’ll get Jeremy Hardy, Phil Nichol, Richard Herring, Matthew Crosby, and me.
Oh hells yes!
W x
New “.com” site…
Posted on | September 17, 2011 | No Comments
I am now the proud owner of www.wespacker.com which is easier to remember (and to explain to the non-technical) than www.wespacker.me.uk (which still works, ish, for the time being).
All the email addresses you have will still work so stick with them for the time being.
Wes x
Swansea Valley Miners Appeal Fund
Posted on | September 17, 2011 | 1 Comment
I would like to extend my deepest sympathy to the families, friends, co-workers and communities of the four Welsh Miners who lost their lives at the Gleision Colliery this week and to wish Malcolm Fyfield, currently in the care of Morriston Hospital, a full and speedy recovery. Our thoughts are with you all.
But words aren’t enough. If you would like to donate something to help support the families of Charles Breslin, David Powell, Garry Jenkins, and Phillip Hill then please visit the link below.
Thank you,
Wes
http://www.minersappealfund.org
August Bank Holiday, Time Flies Comedy Club, The Globe, Cardiff.
Posted on | August 7, 2011 | No Comments
TIMEFLIES COMEDY CLUB
Time Flies Comedy Club
SUNDAY 28TH AUGUST
(no work next day!)
BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND
THE GLOBE, CARDIFF
IAN COGNITO
Edge-of-your-seat and dangerous!
DEBRA JANE APPELBY
Razor sharp no-nonsense Yorkshire lass
WES PACKER
Compelling and fearless Rhondda comic
JOHNNY DISCO
The man with the case
DJ: HENRY BLUNT + guests
£8 advance from www.timefliesuk.com
£10 on the door
Call 07973 222231 to reserve a table
THE LAST EVENT COMPLETELY SOLD OUT SO BE SURE TO BOOK EARLY!
The Venue:
The Globe (Map)
Albany Rd, Roath
CF24
Weekend Roundup…
Posted on | August 2, 2011 | 1 Comment
That was a hell of a weekend. I haven’t done three-in-two for a while so I was a little apprehensive on Friday. I was also shitting bricks about appearing at St. David’s Hall with some of the best comics in the world so I found that I was shot full of adrenaline 24 hours early. This made not getting on stage for my closing set at Gowerton until a quarter-to-eleven on Friday night something approaching mildly acceptable.
We had a nice night in Gowerton, apart from the obviously tired and emotional lady who told me to “shut up” (a strange heckle considering that, as Chris Chopping and I agreed, it was the one thing that I was contractually unable to do) and walked out, husband in tow. So that was nice. Chris did particularly well and we ended up having a good time. I think. Thanks all.
I then managed to get A LOT of sleep on Saturday ready for the biggest gig of my career since Montreal back in 2007…
St. David’s Hall is a fucking big room and I was on the bill with some of my comedy heroes: Jason John Whitehead, Glenn Wool, Richard Herring and Craig Campbell. I’d be a liar if I told you that I wasn’t shitting my poopers at the prospect of playing this massive venue, in that company, in front of several hundred people. Glad to say that I think I gave a good account of myself.
I don’t want to go all “Paltrow” on you again (I already had a row for that on Facebook yesterday) so I’ll just say this: that was one of the best experiences of my life. To everyone who bought a ticket, Groupon’ed or not, thank you, thank you, thank you. I got my spot filmed and I hear that it’s looking good so hopefully I’ll get it up on YouTube for those of you who couldn’t make it.
So that’s the Cardiff Comedy Festival over for another year. I’m already looking forward to 2012. I posted this to Facebook on Sunday but I’ll post it here, too, for for those with more sense:
Massive love and sexings to Scott T Fitzgerald, Matt Price, Richard Balshaw, Tom Wakeham, J-Dizzle, everyone in the WUSA, and everyone else involved in the Cardiff Comedy Festival 2011. All the acts, the venue staff, the media guys, everyone who bought tickets and supported it, and anyone else I may have forgotten. You all played a fucking blinder!
Here’s to 2012!
Also special love must go to photographer of comedy festivals par excellence Paul Appleby for clicking away like a trooper. I hope he got my best side. (Hint: it’s around the back.)
Grand Gala Finale over it was off to Neath for the comedy bit of the Rheola Festival. It was a “Late n Live” kind of thing and didn’t start until midnight. I was still late though as I was using the Sat Nav on my phone which kept hanging, crashing, and generally fucking me about (if only I’d know it was near Resolven Market I’d have found it easily but I’d neglected to check my emails that afternoon.)
It was an absolute pleasure to quickly catch up with the legend that is Ian Cognito and my old mates Pat Gallagher and Paul James and Di, and to have a bit of a yap with the brilliant Gary Delaney and I was genuinely sorry to have to rush off after my set. A midnight comedy show, in a tent, in a field, closed by Ian Cognito really shouldn’t be missed.
I got home at around two in the morning, had some red wine, and checked my emails (why do I bother at that time of night?)
Then I went to be and slept most of Sunday.
So that was my weekend, a strange one, a lovely one, and the biggest gig of my life. C’est la vie, I guess.
Happy, happy Wes.
x
Big, Big News…
Posted on | July 28, 2011 | No Comments
I’ve just had confirmation from Cardiff Comedy Festival organiser and Welsh Comedy Workhorse Scott Fitzgerald that I will be appearing at the Grand Finale of this year’s Cardiff Comedy Festival at St. David’s Hall this coming Saturday, July 30th.
This is the best news I’ve had in a long, long time.
The Grand Finale features four of the best comedians in the world, four of my comedy heroes: Glen Wool, Richard Herring, Jason John Whitehead, and will be hosted by Craig Campbell. Also appearing will be recent Welsh Unsigned Stand-up Award winner Matt Rees.
Now it also features me. I genuinely cannot explain to you how excited I am.
Tickets are available online here.
That is all.